What makes sense to say depends a lot on age. Pick the range closest to
your child's.
A way to say it
"Mommy/Daddy has an illness that makes it hard for their
body and brain to feel okay without a certain medicine. It's not because of
anything you did. Doctors are helping them get better."
Keep it short and concrete — young children can't hold complicated explanations, and don't need to.
Directly say "this isn't your fault" — young kids often quietly assume things are about them.
Expect the same question more than once. That's normal, not a sign you explained it wrong the first time.
Keep routines as stable as you can — predictability matters more than a perfect explanation at this age.
A way to say it
"Addiction is a medical condition where someone's brain
gets stuck needing a substance, even when they don't want to need it anymore.
It's treatable, like other illnesses, and it's not something they chose to
happen to them — or something you caused."
Kids this age can understand "illness," "brain," and "treatment" — use those words instead of euphemisms.
They may have heard stigmatizing language already (from school, media); it's worth directly countering words like "junkie" if they repeat them.
They may ask if the person will die, or if it will happen to them — answer honestly but not with more detail or certainty than you actually have.
Give them a specific, safe adult to go to with worries — a teacher, relative, or counselor — in addition to you.
A way to approach it
"I want to be honest with you about what's going on,
because you're old enough to handle real information, and because I'd rather
you hear it from me than piece it together on your own."
Teens often already sense something is wrong — vague explanations can read as not trusting them, which can backfire.
They may have strong opinions (anger, embarrassment, protectiveness) — make room for those without requiring them to feel a specific way.
This is also the age where a teen might start asking questions for themselves, not just about the family member — our self-assessment tool is written for that.
Watch for a teen taking on a caretaking role beyond what's appropriate for them — this is common and worth gently naming if you see it.
None of this replaces a child therapist if your child is struggling — a
counselor experienced with family substance use (sometimes through a program
based on CRAFT, or a school counselor) can help in ways a single conversation
can't. See scripts for talking with the person using, too →